Stress and sex tend to form a vicious cycle for most people today. Too much stress lowers libido, while having sex helps relieve stress. If you don’t have sex due to stress, your libido continues to wane. And so on and so forth, until you are burnt out with a nonexistent sex life.
Firstly, life is full of stress. Being a career woman, being you, a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister and a daughter can exhaust you physically and emotionally. But, dealing with life’s issues can effectively can lessen the impact. You can also prevent stress from taking over your life and sex life by knowing your priorities.
Here are six steps to stop stressing out and start making love again:
1. Make Time For Intimacy
Upon waking up, you prepare and send the kids off to school then prepare for work. At the office, you have to rush to meet deadlines. After work, you have to pick up a few items at the grocery for dinner.
When you get home, you have to cook, then do the dishes, clean up and prepare for the next morning. Most times, your entire day is full of must-dos and there is no time for intimacy and sex.
Notice that you were able to perform these duties because you allotted time to do them. Too often, the time spent for having sex is the time left over after doing all of these things. You have to make sex a priority along with work and kids, because sex is an important part of your marriage.
How do you have sex despite your tight schedules? Mark the date nights and alone time on your weekly calendar. Do not use less important things as an excuse to not go on with your plan. Hire a babysitter, or you can ask your friends or relatives to watch the kids while you’re away. Remember, if mom and dad aren’t happy, then the kids won’t be happy, either.
Here are tips for your date nights and for having great sex:
- Quality Over Quantity. If you only have an hour to be privately alone, make the most out of it. Do not rush it. Quick sex takes away all the fun and pleasure.
- Be Adventurous. Doing the same things over and over again can lead to boredom. For novelty, try outdoor sex, use sex toys and try out new positions.
- Use The Past As An Inspiration. Recall the memories when you were passionately in love with each other and the things you used to.
- Create A Loving Mood. Even if your date night is four days away, it is important to create an emotional mood.
- Toss The Technology. Put your phone on silent mode and keep other gadgets away.
2. Learn To Compromise
If your partner wants to hit the sack after a tiresome day, it is understandable. It’s okay to say “no” if you’re not really up for sex. However, you should keep in mind that sex is a need.
If left unfulfilled, it can wreak havoc in your relationship. Constantly turning each other down may lead to isolation and hatred.
Don’t make a habit of saying no to lovemaking. Learn to compromise. If you don’t have the energy for an intercourse, you can offer your partner oral sex, or you can touch and hold him while he pleasures himself. When you do this, there will be one less thing to stress yourself about.
3. Resolve Conflicts Calmly
Conflicts in relationships make you less interested in sex. How can you be sexually intimate with someone if you’re hurt, upset or mad, right? Or, maybe, it could be your way of getting back at your partner’s misdeeds.
Assess the situation first. If it’s a third party issue, then you may need therapy. If it’s something less serious, like coming home late, don’t makeup excuses such as “I’m tired,” or “I’m not feeling well,” to turn down sex. You’ll leave him clueless while you’re bleeding your heart out.
Tell your partner what is bothering you. The perfect time for an interrupted conversation would be while the kids are asleep. Once the discussion starts, let your partner talk without barging in between. Be objective and don’t come up with rebuttals while he’s at his speech.
Reconciliation should not be a win-lose situation. If you’re still not in the mood for sex, you don’t have to force it.At least he knows why you are rejecting him.
4. Stop Feeling Guilty
A lot of new moms feel overly guilty about spending time away from their babies. They think it makes them a terrible mother. Know that by fulfilling your own needs you are doing your baby, yourself and your relationship a favor.
Spending time with your partner and maintaining intimacy can kick away the baby blues and relieve stress. It may also help battle postpartum depression or anxiety.
If you’re worried about your baby’s safety, find someone you can trust. It could be your sister, your best friend or your mom.
5. Seek Assistance
If chronic stress has taken over your sex life and you want to restore it, stop stressing over getting aroused. Seek assistance. If your partner pops a pill, do the same.
Use lubricants for vaginal dryness, and topical creams to increase sensitivity in your genital area. There are many products, such as HerSolution Gel that not only lubricate, but enhance the sensations in the genital area. HerSolution also comes in supplements made from natural ingredients.
6. Do The Deed After Exercise
One excellent way to relieve stress and rev up your energy for sex is through exercise. Some people find it hard to sleep after exercising close to their bedtime hours.
Your heart is racing, blood is circulating and adrenaline is rushing. Instead of forcing yourself to sleep, use the extra energy to get cozy with your partner.
There are also other several activities where you can relax, relieve stress and incorporate foreplay, such as sharing a warm bath, taking a shower together and taking turns to massage each other.
Sex and stress are a catch-22. Less sex, more stress. More stress, less sex. Follow these six simple steps to get your sex life back on track.